Aviva

"Why did you try to kill her?!" all my cellmates asked, one day when I sent this girl to the medics in critical condition. And I'd reply, I didn't like her name: Aviva. What kinda hell of a name is 'Aviva' anyway?! And then, when people didn't understand how to spell her name, she would say 'A as in apple, V like Victory...' in this real singsong-y crap voice. Hell, if that ain't worth a good ass-kickin' then I don't know what is! The counselor said I was just displacing my anger due to having an average name. Needless to say, her and Aviva became roommates in icu later that same day...

November of '86

This one time, my 4th grade teacher, Ms. Carrie, tried to get me suspended for sucking 6th grade cock in the boy's room. I sold her phone number for $30 to a couple of Brazillians: El Gordo and Pepe the Hatchet Man. That was on a Tuesday in November of '86. No one's heard from Ms. Carrie since, but every once in a while I'll download something gruesome off of the internet involving some toothless whore without a nose doing unspeakable things to filthy South Americans, and I can catch a glimpse in her eye. A glimpse that reminds me of a pretty young woman who tried to teach me my multiplication tables. And then I laugh and I laugh... 

-by bigsleep666

Johnny

I met Johnny, a prison guard, the first week I was here, and knew I could have my way with him. Since I sure as fuck wasn't gonna get out of the joint anytime soon, I thought I might as well make the most of it. Lucky for me, I picked the one prick who knew how to properly use that beat stick of his.

Dirty Sanchez

Sometimes, when I get bored, I make my bitches fight. I would strap collars around their necks, dump the two of them in a hole, pour pigs blood on them, hurl a fistfull of hamburger at them, and then just start collecting bets from the other inmates. For a while Officer Peterson was the top-ranked bitch in my pen, until Juana Sanchez get sent here for grand theft auto. Damn, that Dirty Sanchez never fucked around and just got a grip on any orifice she could inside of fifteen seconds! I got one word for that girl: Ka-Ching!!

-by bigsleep666

26-year-old Billy

When I was 12, my 26-year-old boyfriend Billy wanted to date girls his own age, so he dumped me. I started to cry. And that was the last time I ever cried. I got so mad at myself fer crying, I burned out my tear ducts with my cigarette and then hunted down Billy fer makin' me cry. I found him picking up his new bitch girlfriend from her job at the strip club and stomped his ass into a coma in front of her. I looked her in the eye as I pissed on him and told her to stay the fuck away from him. After I marked him as my territory, I biked on home.

-by bigsleep666

Reform School Jill

The chronicles begin now.